Community is a base essential. Even loners like to pride themselves on being part of a proud tradition of mavericks. We all want to belong. The question is: Belong to what?
There are two schools of thought:
Belong to something popular
Belong to something meaningful
Often, we feel like we have to choose one or the other.
Belonging to something Popular
The easiest choice to make to sign up for what your friends are doing. I read a lot of blogs that discuss techniques bloggers can use to create this sort of peer pressure among your readers to bring their friends in. The whole Web 2.0 phenomenon centered around this idea.
All my friends are on My Space, so I should be on My Space
Now the majority of my friends are on Facebook, I suppose I should join that.
Wow, all these people I want to keep up with are on Twitter. I guess I need to join that
On and on it goes. Each of these sites give us metrics to make us feel popular: Friends/Followers/Subscribers.
The problem with fame is that the more you have (real or imagined) the more you want. It is a drug. Social acceptance is the souls most addictive narcotic. Like with any addiction. Our priorities start changing.
My breaking point came when I was promoting Shine Like Thunder. At one point, I was “participating” in 19 separate social networks on a weekly basis, and 7 more every other week. Add that to my blogging, podcasting, and I didn’t have any time left to write… You know, the reason I started this mess to begin with. I had contact with a lot more people, but made few friends.
I was hooked on the drug. I fed the addiction while letting my passions wither.
Belonging to something Meaningful
All I really want, and I think all any of us really want is the sense that we are a part of something meaningful.
A meaningful community feeds us with enthusiasm and purpose. That is the cost of popularity.
My favorite band, Kiss, and my favorite show on TV right now, Glee, understand this. They preach and practice the celebration of difference. We need to do that too!
Personal Checklist
I realized that in my personal life I need to ask myself some basic questions:
What am I doing that fills my life with a sense of purpose and meaning?
How can I better connect with people to make friends and not just followers.
Social Checklist
And on a broader field:
How can I push the social networks I belong to work together better?
How can I be more social and less promotional and vain?
What can I do to fill my own life with more meaning and purpose?
I am still working on answers to these questions, and I am sure I missed quite a few that should be on the list. What did I miss? Do you have any suggestions?
The tension between fame and a meaningful life is strong. It is easy to confuse one for the other. This struggle is more acute for an Entertainment designer since we are a nation (and culture) built on the idea the winner takes all.
Anytime a show is not number one, it is deemed a failure by the tabloid press. Think about some common statements of defeat:
I wasn’t picked to lead the team.
They didn’t like my idea.
Only a few people showed up for my party.
Only one person wished me happy birthday.
I didn’t show up, and nobody even noticed.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again:
Quality is more important than Quantity.
I know, that is such a cliche, but it is true!
If you weren’t picked to lead the team, be grateful you are free from the stress of leadership and participate to the best of your ability.
If they don’t like your ideas, ask yourself if you pitched them to the right people, or if they need some tweaking and improvement.
Who cares if only a few people show up for the party, did you all have a good time?
I am not saying that we have to always look for a bright side in every situation. Sometimes their just isn’t one. What we need to do is:
1. Identify our Real Obstacles
It is easy to feel sorry for ourselves and have the ‘Poor me’s, but that doesn’t help anyone but the people and things between us and our goals. If we don’t know what we are really up against, we cannot make a plan to overcome the obstacle and move ahead.
Just don’t forget, sometimes we have to make a turn and go off in a new direction. That’s what innovation is.
2. Find the Path
Once you see the obstacle, next you need to figure our the way around, through, or over it.
I have a superstition about the path I follow. When I am on the right track, I have the motivation to carry my through. When I am not, I don’t.
The real objective is to have a life that makes a feel alive, not merely one we survive as long as we can.
My dad is most alive when he is fixing things. It would be ludicrous for him to have worked his way into management. It would have sapped the zeal of life from him. He followed his bliss, and still does in retirement.
The easiest way to find your path is to help others to find theirs. That is why I am always volunteering to help people out. A lot times, the solution to my problems is the same as theirs, and it easier for me to see without the emotional attachment I have to my own.
3. Stay on the Path
Remember, the most important thing is to follow your bliss!
Passion really does equal life. The more passionate we are about our life, the more we feel alive. The real trick is not loosing site of the things that make us feel alive.
Your turn
What tricks do you use to identify and overcome the obstacles in your life? How did you find your bliss and what are you doing to keep following it?
Feeling alive is a big part of authentically being ourselves. Everyone of us has something that makes us feel alive.
When I started writing this, Everything louder than Everything Else by Meatloaf from Bat Out of Hell II: Back into Hell
came on. I love it when serendipity lends a helping hand.
If the thrill is gone then its time to take it back
I know that I will never be politically correct
And I don’t give a damn about my lack of etiquette
As far as I’m concerned the world could still be flat
And if the thrill is gone then its time to take it back
If the thrill is gone then its time to take it back
Who am i?
Why am I here?
Forget the questions someone get me another beer
It is so easy to get caught up in the big questions. We get distracted from living in the search for purpose and meaning. I know what you are thinking, didn’t say that we want meaning and purpose? that those are prerequisites for happiness?
Yes! But we will never find those things by sitting around trying to figure out what they are.
It is more important to live authentically than to be able to describe who you are in words.
It is more important to follow your bliss than to sit around trying to figure out why you are here?
While those are important questions, the answers are learned through action, and not thought.
You gotta learn to dance
Whats the meaning of life?
Whats the meaning of it all?
You gotta learn to dance
Before you learn to crawl
You gotta learn to dance
Before you learn to crawl
I experience by bliss and live in passion most profoundly when I:
Am telling stories.
Attending conventions.
Listening to music.
Dancing.
Watching movies and series that matter to me.
I didn’t figure this out by sitting around and thinking about, but through doing it.
I started DMing AD&D in middle school. I loved telling stories so much that I wrote my first novel in 8th grade, my second by 12th. My third and fourth about 2 years apart. I never would have learned how much I loved to tell stories if it wasn’t for AD&D and Vampire: The Masquerade.
I am mortally afraid of public speaking. I never would have started this blog and our podcasts if Shore Leave hadn’t put me on a GLBT in Fandom panel, forcing me to do it. I enjoyed it, and starting blogging and podcasting shortly there after.
The lesson is: We discover our passions by doing things that make us feel alive.
If you are curious about something, try it. If you enjoy it, keep doing it.
Army of the Night
So sign up, all you raw recruits
Throw away those designer suits
You got your weapons cocked, your targets in your sights
There’s a party raging, somewhere in the world
You gotta serve your country, gotta service your girl
You’re all enlisted in the army of the night
Consider this your draft notice! Somewhere, someone is doing something that will enrich your life to a degree you cannot even imagine.
Find it
Figure out what about it you love
Discover your passion
Find ways to do more of it
Take it from someone who knows. Authentic living is better than any other high.
I aint in it for…
And I ain’t in it for the power
And I ain’t in it for my health
I ain’t in it for the glory of anything at all
And I sure ain’t in it for the wealth
But I’m in it ‘til it’s over
And I just can’t stop
If you want to get it done, you have to do it yourself
And I like my music like I like my life
Everything louder than everything else
Always remember what you are doing it for. It isn’t money or power or fame. It is because your heart beats to the rhythm of that drum, and you have to keep the party going.
Life is for the living! If we are not alive, we need to find that spark and ignite it again!
Acting our Age
They say I’m wild and I’m reckless
I should be acting my age
I’m an impressionable child
In a tumultuous world
And they say I’m at a difficult stage
But it seems to me to the contrary
Of all the crap they’re gonna put on the page
That a wasted youth is better by far
Then a wise and productive old age
I really truly believe that if we follow our bliss and live our passions, we have actually set ourselves in accord with the cosmos. We are doing what we are here on this earth to do.
Everything in life is a challenge. Are we going to move forward or move back. If moving forward requires us to sell out who we are at our very core, then that is the wrong path.
A youthful spirit and a mature intellect are the most valuable tool we could have in life. Don’t let anyone take them from you, and NEVER give them up!
The three I admire most…
If you want my views of history
Then there’s something you should know
The three men I admire most
Are Curly, Larry, Moe
Don’t worry about the future
Sooner or later it’s the past
If they say the thrill is gone then its time to take it back
If the thrill is gone then its time to take it back
Now that you have discovered your passion, see if you can find a couple people who make a living doing that and study how they do it. Establish a plan, and work toward achieving it.
Everything louder than everything else
Now is the time to just sing along!
So sign up, all you raw recruits
Throw away those two bit suits
You got your weapons cocked, your targets in your sights
There’s a party raging, somewhere in the world
You gotta serve your country, gotta service your girl
Youre all inducted in the army of the night
And I aint in it for the power
And I aint in it for my health
I aint in it for the glory of anything at all
And I sure aint in it for the wealth
But Im in it til its over
And I just cant stop
If you want to get it done, you got to fight for yourself
And I like my music like I like my life
Everything louder than everything else
It isn’t hard to feel invisible in the world today. So much is going on, and thanks to the internet, the conversation never stops. It easier than ever to feel like no one sees us.
The trick is to ask yourself:
How do I want to be seen?
I don’t think there is a more important question we could ask ourselves. Despite what people say, there is nothing we can do to make people notice us. All we can control is how people see us if they stumble upon us.
Some people call this personal branding… I hate that term. I am not a Coke! I have a reputation not a brand!
Authentically Me
I love to see how people react to me when they first meet me. I am an open book, and many have learned at their own peril not to ask me questions they don’t want me to answer honestly.
You see, in 1997, I lost everything. My three best friends turned their back on me…
One of them, stole my identity, my college fund, got me evicted from my house, turned my other friends against me, and didn’t even understand how that could have upset me. I was devastated. My life in rumble around me, I learned the most important lesson of my life: Never lie to anyone!
I invested years in a relationship with a person who had no intention of being my friend. He only wanted to use me to make his life better, screw the consequences.
I decided right then and there to be honest with everyone I meet. No games, no lies. If people don’t like me for who I am, then they are not the people I need to have around me. In return, I ask one thing of the people in my life:
Never Lie to me
Trust is a two way road. I am willing to bear my soul and be authentically who I am at all times, the very least I can expect in return from other people is that they will never lie to me.
I tell people that. “I consider you a friend now. I have been honest with you, and I expect you to do the same. If I ever find out you have lied to me from this point on, I am not sure I can remain friends with you.”
Yeah, it is a little blunt, but that is how I am. I don’t expect everyone to be as open as I am, but I expect them to be honest in their dealings with me.
Stop worrying about being noticed
It is far more important to consider what people see when you are noticed. If you are a decent person, they will spread the word. The truth will always win out.
How do you see your relationships with others?
Do you think there are any other traits besides honesty and authenticity we should expect from each other?
Life is not easy. From time to time the question arises: “Is it time to move on?”
Out of energy, and the end of our rope, it feels to hard to keep going, and we ask ourselves:
“Should I just give up?”
Well, that depends on what you are thinking about giving up?
Should I give up on my dream? NEVER!
Should I give up on my passion? Not in a million years!
Should I give up on following my bliss? Not for anything!
When we hit a low point, there is often something we do need to give up, but it isn’t any of those things.
Attachments
Often, we are holding on to things so hard we are smothering them. Our emotional attachments blind us to opportunities before our very eyes. They allow us to feel slighted by the smallest circumstances.
I consider myself lucky that I never set out to be a “major writer.” I can’t imagine the pressure to sell books and make everyone like what I am doing.
I write stories for me. If anyone else likes them, that is a blessing. I want to tell a good story, not be the next Stephen King. I can control the quality of my stories, not the whims of the market. It is hard for me be disappointed by the reception any of my stories gets.
I have some friends who really want to be a top shelf writer, selling hundreds of thousands if not millions of copies. That is a difficult goal to achieve, and I see their disappointment.
False Hopes
What most people don’t understand is that a false hope is one what you have no power to accomplish.
I would love to sell millions of books, but all I can do is write the best I can, and promote them to the best of my ability.
Almost anything is achievable if we set our mind to it.
Your Turn
Can you think of any other false hope? What can we do to make our dreams more attainable?
I find myself thinking about the “Good Old Days” a lot lately. This is not just a condition of thirty-somethings like me. A surprising number of twenty-somethings I know are doing it to
Telling War Stories
There is some value in sitting around with your friends telling stories about our pasts. It is how we come to know each other.
With increasing frequency, I have noticed that stories are not shared as memories, but as a wish for a return to our glory days.
Times Arrow
We are propelled forever into the future, writing ever more moments of our lives into the past. Everything changes. What is important is that we do not allow ourselves to become mired in the past. We can learn from our past, but there is no known power in the cosmos that will allow us to return to a time already lived.
When a chapter closes, we have to turn the page and write the best words we can on the page.
The Best is yet to come
Believe me. Several times, I have thought my best days were behind me. The though enters all of our minds from time to time. The fact is, it is easier to look back than it is to look forward. We know the past.
Might I suggest we learn how to know the future.
Plans help
Goals motivate
Hope enlivens
We have to find a way to have all three. That is why I am thankful to Gene Roddenberry. Star Trek gave me a vision of the future that is hard to strip away from my eyes. The world I want to live in doesn’t exist yet. I have too much work to do to waste time looking back.
I think a lot about how to find and follow our dreams. At times, I feel like a self-help writer, and I wonder if I am really saying anything that matters.
The Problem with Self-help
American society is rooted in the idea of picking ourselves up by our bootstraps and achieving impossible dreams. We are a frontier nation, young enough to remember the struggles of our founders and frontiers men and women, but finally old enough to start grappling with some of the realities of forging a new world out of one that existed long before we got here.
Our real problem is the stories we grew up with about people who set out on their own to create a life for themselves. It was all a lie. None of these people did anything alone. They only accomplished what they did with the help and support of their community.
Unfortunately, this self-made person myth infiltrated every part of our cultural psyche to the point where we have entire industries built on the lie that if you get your act together, then you will be able to do anything. The truth is, only when we build a community around ourselves will be we able to accomplish anything.
Dreams Unify
While many of us believe we are alone in our dreams or that we have to achieve our dreams on our own, we are never really alone.
Thousands of people want to write a book, or make a movie. The trick is to find other people who share your specific dream.
Blogs and podcasts have helped a many people, but the means is not important. What is important is the connections we make to keep our spirits up, share our knowledge, and support us through the lows and the highs.
Without a strong connection with like minded people, it is difficult to navigate the treacherous waters between us and our goal.
Never Alone
The path to our dream starts with us sharing:
What do you want to accomplish?
What steps do you see between where you are to where you want to be?
What mistakes have you made, and what have you learned from them?
What are you doing right now to achieve your goals.
When you start to share, you will find others willing to share with you their experiences.
Following your dream
Now, you need to make you steps know, continue to share your experience, and work with others to achieve your goals.
Start a Blog over at Project: Shadow, and let’s get the community together. As a group, nothing can stand in our way!
There comes a time when we have to give up on what we love. The trick is giving up on the right things.
The Time has passed
I miss fanzines.
When I first got involved in fandom, I built a large collection of fanzines. I got to know the editors by name, and knew I would love the zines certain editors put out, and not others. Now, with the exception of slash zines, the remainder of fanfiction has gone online.
The days of the zine are behind us, but their might be a new way to take the form into the future.
Look toward the new
Instead of trapping ourselves in the thought of what could be brought back, ask yourself how you can reinvent it, and move forward on that.
Every group goes through 5 stages of group formation:
Coming together
Defining the Task
Unrest
Cohesion
Interdependence
These stages do not always occur in the same order, and they often loop back on themselves, but the first 4 have to be completed for the community to enter the final stage: Interdependence.
1. Coming together
The first stage is the most difficult. Starting from nothing, we have to find enough people who share a common interest in the project to make it possible. When starting something new, there are few places to go to gather these people from.
This is why the first and the second stages form a symbiotic circle.
2. Defining the Task
As we discussed earlier, nothing brings people together like a shared dream. The group leader needs to start defining tasks for the group to accomplish. These tasks should be simple and doable.
The group cannot wait for members to rise up to accomplish these tasks. The leader as well as the others who have already signed up for the task need to start work. Nothing gathers a group like success.
3. Unrest
Unrest is natural. I have had many people sign on the Project: Shadow Manifesto, start working with us, only to either become disillusioned by the magnitude of the tasks before us or get frustrated by my focus on what’s best for the community.
There is only one way to handle unrest when it inevitably comes. Listen to the criticism, do your best to answer it and choose the best course of action moving forward. If schism is inevitable, allow it to happen, but try to make appropriate compromises.
The well being of the community is more important than the ego of the leadership or existing group. Be ready to apologize or stand your ground, which ever is the most necessary.
4. Cohesion
Cohesion is a worthy goal. When the community sees the goal, and begins accomplish its goals, it will begin to move as a unit. Individuals will start to see tasks that are not on the agenda, and working on their own to achieve the community’s goals.
This is the most dangerous stage of group development. As new leaders emerge within the community, they will be tempted to set out on their own. If the group does not understand that it is only through working together that their goals can be accomplished, it will fall apart.
5. Interdependence
If the group survives this stage, then they will begin to rely on one another, and success is within the communities grasp. All they have to do it keep their eyes on the goal and values the group has established for itself, and keep moving forward.
The only live worth living is the one you are truly passionate about!
I hope by now you have discovered your passions and dreams, but I need to start practicing what I preach:
My Dream
I suppose the easiest way for me to explain my dream is to say that I want to be a cross between George Lucas, Stan Lee, and Gene Roddenberry. That entails:
Books
Comics
Movies/Series
Games
I have a lot of ideas, stories, and settings that I want to share with the world. I have already started with my books, but there is so much more I want to do.
So much of the community I love is maligned by the mainstream. I want to help people feel comfortable with who they are and what they do. To do that, I need to promote:
Fandom
Filk
Fanfilm
Fanfiction
Remix Culture
I have some ideas about how to do this, and I have set some goals for myself.
For starters, I want to write at least 2,400 words a day. Eventually, I want to push that higher, but it is a good starting goal. I am going to divide my writing between dashPunk and my fiction. Hopefully, I will be able to become disciplined enough to write 2,400 words s day for dashPunk and 2,600 a day for my fiction. I have written 5,000 words a day before, but it is something to build up to.
I am reading feeds on the topics I want to talk about, and reaching out to others in those fields to hopefully get people to help out.
I am going to spend more time participating in Project: Shadow and Podcasting.
I am also building several table top role playing games just for fun.
What are your plans?
Hopefully, by now you have figured out some plans to achieve your dreams. What are they? Is there anything we can do to help?
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