by Eric
The woman who yelled, "Fag!"
November 1, 2008 in GLBT, Personal by Eric
Last night, I went out to a Halloween Party at a bistro. I painted my face, donned my cape, gold skull mask, and black clothes, and headed out for a night of absinthe, beer, and friends, but there was this one young woman…
She asked if she could join us at our table. Well, I am always up for meeting new people, so I said yes. It wasn’t long before I wondered if I had made a terrible mistake. She should off her costume, which included a purple belt she didn’t like, so she improvised a black shirt to cover it. “I hated the belt, so I decided to cover it up. I mean, it is a little gay.”
I winced, but she didn’t notice. As we often do, we went around the table sharing personal stories on the topic du jour. Yesterday, it was bad/weird/awkward breakups. When it was her turn to share she told a story that was either confusing or confused by the number of cocktails she and/or I had imbibed. Then it happened. “He was a bastard, I mean what a fag!”
Silence crushed the table. I chugged my beer. It quickly became apparent that anyone she didn’t like was a fag, and even broader, anyone who annoyed her.
My friend Jordie showed up, and I took the opportunity to make a bad, gay, double entendre.
The new girl blinked a couple of times, and asked me if I were gay. I nodded. She then told me about how she was cool with it, and how she has many gay friends… she then continued with the “That’s so gay”s and calling people fag.
I was dumbfounded. I tried to explain to her that it was inappropriate and offensive for her to talk like that. I am not sure if it was her personality or her drunkenness, but my words fell on deaf ears.
Honestly, it nearly ruined my night. I hit the absinthe hard, and cheered up when Jordie started to sing. I love to hear her sing, and the green fairy whispering in my ear only made it better.
I am not sure how I could have handled the situation better. I don’t think there is anything I could have done to wake her up to what she sounded like.
Incidents like that are why I am finding it increasingly difficult to go out to places where heterosexuals congregate. Words like fag and faggot cut through me like a knife because I have heard them from the mouths of people hitting or chasing after me. They are trigger world that make me feel isolated, cut off from what it happening around me. My danger sense hightens, and I start watching my back, hoping the night will not end badly.
I hope the seed I planted in her mind will bare fruit, if she even remembers. I hope we can move forward and others like me will no longer have to deal with this.
